Project Blue Beam by Rita Andreeva

It was supposed to be a perfectly ordinary cold and gray Pacific Northwest morning. At least I thought so until I realized that there was an insistent, bossy voice yelling at me from behind my bedroom door.

"Get up, get up! I'm hungry, I'm bored, I want you to be up! Get up, get up!"

Which was impossible because I lived alone. Well, not counting my cat.

This was probably one of those fancy dreams I read about, where one wakes up into another dream. Cool!

"Open the door! Open the door!"

Nothing to be afraid of, it's only a dream. I got up and opened the bedroom door. Toby, my orange tabby, ran in and jumped on the bed. I sat down next to him.

I asked, "Was it you telling me to get up?"

"Of course it was me," he replied. "Who else would it be?"

I'm definitely dreaming, I thought. For sure. No doubt about it.

"Scratch my head behind the ear," he purred. "And by the way, you're not dreaming."

"I think I must be."

"Trust me, you're not. Will you pinch yourself or shall I bite you?"

"I'll do it," and I pinched myself a couple of times. Not hard. But I felt it.

"Is it you or is it me?" I asked Toby stupidly.

"You or me what?"

"Which of us is doing this? Are you suddenly able to talk to people, or am I able to talk to cats?"

"I've always been talking to you," he shrugged. "But this is the first time you are hearing me." He licked his paw and examined it critically. "And you don't have to talk out loud, I can hear your thoughts just fine."

"Okay. Can you hear me now?" I thought.

"Yep," said Toby.

"There could be two, no, four possibilities," I tried brainstorming without having my morning coffee yet, which was clearly a mistake. "I could have changed so I can hear you, or you could have changed. Or all cats can talk to humans suddenly, or all humans can..."

Toby said, "When I go outside today, I'll find out if the neighbors can hear me. And I'll find out if the other cats can talk to their humans."

I pinched the back of my hand again, just in case.

"You're awake. And I want food. Now is good," said Toby, turning around and flashing his butt in my face before jumping off the bed.

I couldn't help commenting, "Nice butt."

"I know," said the cat.

I got up, put on my robe and furry slippers, and followed Toby into the kitchen, grabbing my phone and turning off the Airplane mode. It started dinging right away, alerting me to the numerous texts that came in during the time the phone was 'off the hook'. I had four texts from my friend Will. The first text said, "Good morning!" The second text contained a YouTube link, and said "Watch this video!!!!" The third one said, "If you noticed something strange you must NOT talk about it to anyone!"

I texted back, "Good morning. Ok. Why?"

"Hey!" came from Toby. "Leave it! I'm your priority now!"

I set the phone on the kitchen counter to feed Toby. While I was washing his dish, the phone dinged a couple of times, but I ignored it.

Even though I was dying for a latte, I wanted to give Toby a bit of time to eat before grinding the coffee beans, because he hated the sound. When I came back into the kitchen, Toby was sitting turned away from his dish, licking his mouth. He only ate half as usual.

"Why do you never finish your food?" I asked him.

"I picked up this habit in cat jail. They fed us in the afternoon and then were gone until morning. So I stretched it out."

"That sounds awful."

"It was. Thanks again for bailing me out. I thanked you before, but you didn't hear me then."

"You are welcome... And I guessed that you thanked me... So-o, if you split your food to stretch it out, why do you not finish it later?"

"Because it gets old, and I like it fresh."

I sighed and proceeded to grind the coffee beans, and Toby removed himself from the kitchen.

I set my latte on my desk after taking a really huge gulp. As soon as I pushed the button to turn on my laptop, I heard another voice, not Toby's.

"Great! Always thinking of yourself only! Give me some water before getting too comfortable!"

"Who said that?"

"Limy, the Lemon tree." Apparently, this lemon tree had a sour disposition instead of actual lemons.

I went to get the watering can.

"I'd like a drop as well," a tinny voice piped.

"Who said that?"

"The cactus. Just one drop please."

I gave him or her a drop of water.

"I use 'she, her' pronouns," said the Cactus, reacting to my unvoiced question.

I sat back down at my desk and proceeded to drink my latte while the computer took its time waking up.

"Toby," I asked. "Can you talk to plants?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Were you always able to talk to them?"

"Yes. I can also talk to yogurt. And eggs."

"What could you possibly talk to them about?" I laughed.

"I said I can, doesn't mean that I do. They don't have anything interesting to say."

"Should I thank the food before eating it, or is it better to apologize?"

"Thank them. But if you have to boil them or fry them, then apologize first and then thank them. They don't mind being eaten, but they do hate being cooked."

I finally watched the video. It explained what happened to me: Apparently, the Metatron variant caused the DNA of some lucky humans to suddenly make an evolution leap. Only in people who weren't vaccinated. Hmm. I sipped my latte, pondering this information.

Then I tried to teach Toby to play Scrabble, but he refused to learn the alphabet. He considered reading and writing in bad taste because the dogs did it. They left messages by peeing on everything. Cats, on the other paw, peed sensibly to claim their territory or to punish their humans. I assured him that the books on my shelves were not attempts by the authors to claim my living room or to punish me. He shook his head doubtfully. I suddenly wasn't a hundred percent sure that they weren't doing just that. Reading some books did feel like punishment...

Toby grinned, "I'm glad I was able to make you understand. How about a snack? All that mental effort made me hungry."

Suddenly I heard a lot of commotion outside – car horns honking, people yelling. I went to the living room and looked out the window.

Cars had stopped in the middle of the street, and people got out of them and were all looking up at something. But I couldn't see what it was. I ran into my bedroom, quickly got dressed, grabbed my phone, and ran down the stairs and out into the street.

I looked up and saw a huge Jesus, as big as a skyscraper, sitting on a cloud like a beanbag. He looked just like in all the most handsome depictions – perfect features, deep tan, big brown eyes, dark brown hair cascading over his shoulders in waves. When he spoke, his voice sort of boomed, like he was using base speakers. If it was a hologram, it was really well done, because his lips' movements matched what he said.

"All you poor and homeless, old and sick and depressed and tired of struggling, let me take you to Heaven. You don't need to suffer anymore. Come to People's Park..."

I saw people leaving their tents along the sidewalks and heading uphill zombie-like. I saw a piece of cardboard flip over, and a lanky dude with a gray beard unfolded from underneath like a roly-poly bug. A bunch of elderly people came out of the housing apartment building and proceeded in the same direction. I followed everyone out of curiosity but didn't join the crowd gathered in the park. I watched instead from a safe distance across the street, as did a few other curious but skeptical souls.

Jesus smiled and boomed: "Come to the center of the park, to the open area, away from the trees."

Everyone squeezed together in the plaza where the concerts happen in the summer. Many of the more impressionable ones fell to their knees. Then suddenly a huge ray of blue light hit the crowd and moments later there wasn't a single person left in the little plaza. I looked to the right and to the left of me, wondering if the others saw what I saw too. Some stared open-mouthed, some screamed, and others were calmly filming everything with their phones.

Jesus was saying, "All of you witnessing the rapture, spread the word. Since I am omnipresent, every major city has the same opportunity at the same time. Hashtag 'rapture'."

People were trickling into the plaza from all directions, like rivulets of water toward a storm drain. As soon as the little plaza filled up with people, the blue ray of light vanished them again. Every time the blue ray ate another group, all the observers exclaimed, "Ohhh!"

I sensed rather than heard my phone ringing, took it out of my pocket, and saw that it was Will.

"Hi, Will. There's Jesus up in the sky..."

"Don't go into the light!" he cut me off.

"I wasn't going to."

"I'm on the bus. I'll be at your place in like half an hour. Don't just stand around there. What if Jesus starts to use hypnosis? Go home!"

"Okay, leaving right now."

Doorbell rang. Will was literally bouncing from excitement.

"Look," he opened his mouth wide and pointed into it. "Teeth."

"What? Are these new dentures?"

"It's real teeth! They grew back this morning!"

"Really!" I nearly stuck my whole head into his mouth examining his new teeth. They were perfect, and so very white.

"And you? Did you evolve?"

"Not as cool as you. I can talk to animals and plants."

"That's awesome!"

"It's not! How will I ever again have peace and quiet when I go for a walk in the woods? With all the trees blabbering!"

"I don't think trees talk all that much. They live such a long time but in the same spot. So, not much to discuss."

"I wonder if you can do this? Toby, would you test Will, say something to him."

"Okay," Toby looked Will up and down and said, "Three."

"Will," I asked, "what did Toby just say?"

"No clue. What was it?"

"A number three."

Toby snickered, "It was his rating on a one to ten scale."

I giggled.

"What's so funny," demanded Will, "What else did that fleabag say?"

"That you are a Three," I said, bending over from laughing.

We proceeded into the kitchen and Will started to unwrap the top of the champagne bottle.

"Not yet! It's too early in the day for drinking!"

"This isn't drinking – it's champagne! We are celebrating!" Will began to unwind the wire.

"No! I'll make us lattes."

I made us a couple of lattes and suggested we go sit in the living room.

"Are you sure Jesus can't see us through the window?" asked Will.

"Very sure."

"Okay."

We got comfortable with Will on the couch and me in my favorite armchair.

"Your new teeth are really awesome. Would you try fixing me?" I asked.

"I always thought you liked yourself."

"Yeah, well, I had no choice in the matter."

I sat next to him on the couch. "Make the skin on my face smooth like silk."

"People will notice."

"I work freelance. I hardly ever go to the same place."

"Okay." He put his hands over my face and a second later said, "Wow!"

I ran to look in the mirror. 'Wow' was an understatement. I couldn't see any pores! I ran back to the living room and plopped down next to Will again.

"Finish the job, do the whole body makeover! Make me perfect!"

"Do you want big boobs or small?"

"Medium. Oh, and I want wavy dark brown hair."

He lifted his hands over my head, and then moved them slowly down, following my contours a few inches away from my body all the way down to my toes.

I looked down and didn't see a familiar roll - it was replaced by an actual waist!

I gave Will a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Toby jumped up on Will's lap, He never ever comes to anyone's lap!

He said, "I need a makeover as well."

I related his request to Will, who ran his hand along the cat's back. Toby jumped down on the floor and started doing an inventory of his body parts. He lifted his head and said excitedly, "My balls are back!" I translated, and we laughed.

I said to Toby, "I'm not so sure it's a good thing." And to Will, "Can you undo the balls?"

Toby screamed, "Over my dead body!" and he took off running and hid somewhere.

"Was it hard to do? Did you have to concentrate?"

"Nope. Completely effortless."

"But... Toby's balls? How? Don't you have to be specific?"

Will laughed, "I didn't do it on purpose. I just thought, fix everything, whatever needs fixing."

"Now you're going to make millions healing people."

"I can't tell anyone about this! You can't either!"

"Why?"

"If you want to stay alive. Elon Musk's Jesus is going to kill us."

"What if it's real Jesus out there?" I asked.

Will's eyes flashed with anger, "Don't be ridiculous! It's a hologram! They are using lasers beamed down from 5G satellites to evaporate those people!"

"But what if, just a tiny what if? If it is real Jesus?"

"Nope. It's Project Blue Beam. I sent you a link a while back. Didn't you watch?"

"I think that was the video that was deleted."

"Figures."

Will pulled out his laptop from his backpack and opened YouTube. Living in the Pacific Time zone had an advantage - everything everywhere else in the US happened before here, so we could preview our near future.

In one of the videos Jesus was saying:

"Bring those demon-possessed unfortunates to me so I can exorcise them! Bring them to me, so that I can save their souls!"

Will pointed to the screen, "That's us he's talking about. The witch hunt is starting. You haven't told anyone about your cat thing?" he inquired anxiously.

"No."

"Good."

I clicked on a recent video posted this morning. Some teenage kid was saying, "Check this out!" He stared at the objects on his desk and was lifting them without touching them, with his mind. "Is this cool or what!" Suddenly his door burst open and some men ran toward him. The kid tossed the floating objects at them, but it was no more effective than throwing popcorn at someone. The men grabbed him and dragged him away, kicking and screaming.

In another video, a woman carried her little baby girl who looked about three to one of those plazas under Jesus. There were already a few other children there. They looked up and some of the kids laughed and waved, and others were scared and cried and ran to their parents, but the parents pushed them back. One little boy flapped his arms and started to actually fly away, but Jesus zapped him and the rest of the kids with the blue light while saying, "Little children, come unto me." Kids vanished. Some mothers were crying hysterically. Many of them went to stand under Jesus raised up their arms and begged to be taken to Heaven also.

Jesus said, "Mothers, stop crying. Your children are fine, look!"

Something like a video of the kids sitting on the light blue carpet in some room full of toys appeared in the sky next to Jesus. The women raised their arms and said, "Ahhhh," all together.

"Huh," exclaimed Will. "Is that teleportation? I wonder what they'll do to those kids? Nothing good, that's for sure."

"You still insist that it can't be real Jesus?" I asked.

"Yep."

My attention was drawn back to the screen where some protesting teenagers were dragged into the square under Jesus. One of the teenagers yelled very loudly, "Let me go! Let me go! I'm not possessed!" The adults ignored his pleas and tossed him unnecessarily roughly into the center of the square where he landed on his butt. He jumped up and shook his fist at the Jesus above and yelled, "I'm not possessed! I don't have any demons!" The other kids shoved into the square joined in, "Yeah! That's right! We're not possessed! Let us go!"

Jesus raised his hand in a very iconic gesture and said, "Don't be afraid. If you are possessed, my angels will exorcise you. And then you will be yourselves again and not some demons in control of your bodies pretending to be you. Like in that show Supernatural."

Most teenagers who were familiar with the show Supernatural calmed down and appeared willing to go up, but a couple of more stubborn ones still shouted, "I'm not possessed! I like having powers!" The adults who brought those kids - their fathers, uncles, teachers, stood by shaking their heads, ashamed of the kids' behavior and, possibly, of themselves, if they didn't let their kids watch Supernatural. It didn't last long, the kids vanished, and some of the adults yelled, "Amen!" and clapped.

"I'm not possessed, I don't think..." I said, turning to look at Will.

"You're not. Neither am I or those kids over there."

"So what do we do?" I asked Will.

"We hide our new abilities and lay low," He sat all slumped and deflated.

"Shouldn't we join some sort of underground resistance?"

"But how would we contact them?"

Toby spoke up, "I can help. I can ask other cats to tell me if their humans changed."

I related this to Will. Then I suggested, "Will, why don't you try holding your hand over your head and see if you can make yourself able to talk to cats."

"Okay." He did, then looked at Toby, "Say something, cat!"

Toby said, "Meow."

Will shook his head, "Oh well, I tried."

The cat laughed, "Just kidding!"

Will sat up straight and smiled, "It worked!"

"Say," Will started, "Toby finds other evolved people. But how do we approach them safely?"

"Cats," said Toby.

"But everyone has different abilities. Maybe no one else around here talks to cats..."

Toby jumped up on the couch and said, "Give me that healing ability, and I'll make them talk to cats."

"Why not," I said to Will, "sounds like a great idea."

"Okay," Will ran his hand along Toby's back.

Toby lashed out with his paw and three bright red lines appeared on Will's hand. Then Toby sat very still and purred staring at the scratches for a moment. They vanished.

"Yes!" yelled Toby and jumped five feet straight up in the air before dashing around the apartment. "Let me o-o-outside!"

I opened the apartment door and he ran out, yelling, "I'll fix the spayed ladies! I will sire a thousand kittens! Me-o-o-o-ow!"

I laughed, "Don't worry, he'll help us after he is done sowing his wild oats."